The Long Goodbye

Still ten or eleven days to go, and I'm in to what I can only describe as The Long Goodbye.

I've never been much good at saying that word. Maybe it all goes back to early emotional insecurities and uncertainties. Who knows? But I do know I hold on to things. I am a hoarder - a collector of junk, a charityshopaholic in search of other people's cast offs. A Gatherer. And I'm not just talkin material stuff - books, pictures, ceramics. Intangibles like friendship, are in there too. So, for whatever reason, Goodbye doesn't come easy.

The idea of going travelling like this came at a time of crisis. La Grande Divorce, and the reasons for it. I wanted to run away from everything. I wanted to dive into chaos, I wanted to be outside every possible comfort zone - linguistic, social, cultural, everything. And ALONE. To wander lonely as a cloud, I suppose. (Though I've never been particularly fond of Wordsworth.)

So, you are really wanting to experience a bit of adversity, said Mr Starrock.

 Yes, I said. But not too much.

(Because between then - that time of crisis - and now, Right Now, Life has Looked Up.)

It's a very different me that will be setting off for five months, from the one that was intending to run away for a whole year.

Interestingly, I'm finding the Goodbyes quite an enjoyable part of the process.

I have been to the garden centre on Stroud Road to get voilas to plant now, ready for my return in the spring. Some wallflowers too.